Encouragement, the Wrong Way

I can pretty much guarantee that most women have experienced something similar to this scenario from the position of either the first woman or one of her friends:Woman: I really like   insert some guy's name  .Friend 1: Really? He's cool.Woman: But there is no way he will ever like me....I'm wasting my time liking him.....He would never be interested in someone like me.....I'm not good enough for him....Friend 1: Yes he will!Friend 2: You're amazing! He would be crazy not to like you!Friend 3: What are you talking about?!? Of course he likes you....Woman: Really? You think he could like me?Friends 1, 2, & 3: Absolutely!!As women, we want to encourage the women  we care about, and convince them they are worth something and that someone else will find them likable.However, in that moment of convincing our friends that some guy is worth the time, we do them a great disservice because we actually convince them they need this guy's approval. Now generally, we aren't intentionally saying, "do everything you can to make this guys see how great you are." Unfortunately, saying "he would be crazy..." leaves women thinking "he's normal, and he's not interested. I must be the problem."So in the end, our attempts to help our friend feel worthwhile will leave her feeling worthless and romantically hopeless.I say all that not as a reprimand (because I'm just as guilty of this as any other female), but as a reminder. If we truly care about our friends, we shouldn't be encouraging them to have feelings for a guy who doesn't have the same feelings. We should be encouraging our friends to be who they are in Christ.We shouldn't want other women in our lives to be trying to win affections and hoping for a certain man to notice her when he is probably oblivious (let's be honest, he IS a guy...). That plan leads to a lot of unnecessary heartache and pain and leaves your friend feeling undesirable. ^"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." Galatians 5:13If we really love each other the way we say we do (and the way we SHOULD), we need to make some changes.We need to stop feeding each other these lies that we need a guy to be interested to be worth something.We need to stop encouraging other women to force relationships that aren't from God in order for them to feel good about themselves.We need to start encouraging our friends to remember how much God cares about them and that he has a plan for them.Psalm 139 has a lot to say about the value God has placed on each and every person. It also talks about the fact that God has plans for us, and not vague plans. He has specific plans for each of our lives. Our tainted pasts don't matter to God because he will walk with us through every difficult journey and help us find redemption in him."If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast....My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:9-10, 15-18These verses tell us that God has a written plan for every day of our lives, so why are we constantly worried that he doesn't have someone for us. Why are we pushing each other to pursue men as a way to gauge our value?It is so clear that God has something for us, but we must trust that plan and follow him for his plan to work. However, that is a task that is rarely easy. It's also pretty difficult to look at a friend and convince her not to stress about finding a guy, but it's important that we learn to encourage our friends to strive after the heart of God not the heart of a random guy who probably won't care for her heart properly.God is holding us in his hand and has a written plan for us. All we have to do is have enough faith to follow him and encourage our friends to follow him. If we do that, we will stop encouraging our friends toward heartbreak and start encouraging them toward an everlasting love that will never fail them or leave them feeling worthless."'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10